Culture


As is tradition, the White House welcomed trick-or-treaters to the South Lawn to shriek at the haunted mansion of our democracy. The ghost of Paul Ryan’s conscience and the ghoulish spirit of Mitch McConnell ushered unsuspecting children into America’s final resting place where they were greeted by a vengeful babadook who looks like Jeff Sessions the President and the First Lady.

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The First Family handed out sweet treats to children in costume while various members of the administration looked on. Mrs. Trump also had a scary encounter with a small-armed dinosaur (as well as a run-in with a person dressed like a T-Rex).

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Some of the adults in attendance also dressed up, like this dad accompanying a kid dressed like Trump. The dad took this year’s theme of “You Really Tried It” and ran with it.

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This is a waste of markers, poster board, space, and the ability to write. Are you the tomb where all these things are buried? That doesn’t even make logistical sense. None of these people are dead. CNN isn’t a person. And I can only presume that Obama’s Legac is the name of an alt-right cover band that recently broke up because Obama’s Legacy might as well have been written by MC Hammer cuz you can’t touch this.

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In other news, Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education, took a break from terrorizing college students across the nation to show up as Ms. Frizzle in an It wig. Ms. Frizzle presumably had the day off because her school was shut down and the Magic School bus was outsourced to a ride-share company owned by a Russian oligarch.

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The spiderwebs will remain on the White House until morale improves.

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Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.





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