How would you rate your 2017 on a scale from raccoon attack to dumpster fire? If you’re feeling weirdsies about your year in review, just think about the year that Laura Dern is having. Upset about politics? Sports? Entertainment? Your T-zone? Don’t worry about it. Laura Dern absolutely dominated this year and we need to just marinate in our gratitude about that.

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Here’s us in 2017:

And here’s Laura Dern in 2017:

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Laura Dern has been here for us, through good times and bad. Laura Dern wants the best for us! Laura Dern will never forsake us.

There were so many Laura blessings this year; our cup Derneth over. But, faithful icon that she is, Laura Dern gave us one more, late-breaking moment of light in an otherwise bleak winter. Paparazzi caught her on a stroll-and-smooch with a very attractive man and we’re all better for it.


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Not only are they strollin’ and smoochin’, but the very attractive man, Baron Davis, is holdin’ Laura Dern’s bag. If your vision board doesn’t have “Laura Dern pontificating in a caftan-like coat while an NBA star listens attentively, holds her bag, and occasionally smooches her on the lips,” what are you really doing?

Beloveds, I invite you to live your full Dernnaissance in 2018. Make someone hold your bags while you tell them about this weird dream you barely remember! When they ask you why, tell them “I’m Laura-ing Up.” They may be confused. If so, explain, “I’m doing the Dern Thing.”

The only thing I want to remember about 2017 is the birth of our future rulers, Rumi and Sir Carter, and Laura Dern’s breath-taking body of work.

Who but Laura Dern could take a scene-chewing villain on a prestige miniseries and turn her into an eye-patch-wearing icon? Laura Dern’s like, “Renata’s not the villain; toxic masculinity is the villain. And you’re going to love me and my daughter, Amabella.”

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Who but Laura Dern could take a wig from a Halloween store Anna Wintour costume and turn it into a character-making accessory?

Who but Laura Dern could… ::sniffles:: save the ::sobs:: Rebels Alliance? And who knew that we’d enjoy watching Poe get dressed down on screen non-metaphorically?


That’s the magic of the Dernnaissance. She can stroll on the screen wearing a slinky fascinator and a gown from a beach-set yoga wedding and still command the utmost respect and admiration.

In 2018, let’s just all be Laura Dern. She’s got it all figured out and I’m just so happy for her. I am ready for my Dernnaissance!

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