Dear E. Jean: What’s the club etiquette when an attractive guy moves in close and starts petting my hips 10 minutes after he introduces himself to me? I’m not a prude, but I’d like to at least know a guy before he feels me up! Should I tell him off? I’ve tried both ways: Recently when it happened, I told the guy, “Keep your hands to yourself!” and he lost interest. And when a second guy did it, I pretended his hands weren’t on me and he stayed interested. What should I do?
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—After-Hours Etiquette Girl
After-Hours, Girl: Piffle! You don’t go to clubs for the “etiquette.” You go to clubs to be playful. You go to clubs to be daring. You go to clubs to be indecorous in the dark.
Of course, if a dude starts plucking at you like you’re a viola, fie! fie! Give him a knee in the groin. But if you like a lad? And he shoots his arm about you and starts playing patty-cake on your posterior? Reach around, clasp his hand, smile into his eyes, pull his hand off, and—hold it. Entwine your fingers with his. This move is so disarming, it’s practically kinky.
But really now, come on. If a chap in a club doesn’t put his arm around you, nestle in to you rakishly like he’s leaning on a golf club, drop his voice, talk the most ridiculous nonsense, and run his hand up and down your back so expertly that you discover, when you stagger outside into the moonlight at 2:30 a.m., that you are no longer wearing a bra, then that chap is not—just a moment! Who says it’s always a chap? If you get a chance to kiss a soft, fragrant girl, do it. You may not get the opportunity again.
This letter is from the E. Jean archive.